Friday, June 14, 2013


One night when I was a teen and  I was doing homework, while talking on the phone to my friend, there was an audible thunk and a hideous black spider dropped off the roof right into the middle of my textbook. It was so big that my friend heard it through the crackly 1980's phone technology.
I've always had a love hate relationship with spiders. I hate them, and they cleary love me, because they find me no matter what.  I don't know when it started-
I imagine it went something like this.
Me; innocent and helpless in my crib, too young to turn over, let alone escape.
Enter 1 spider. 8 terrifying legs of sheer terror. 6 eyes staring as it inches closer... coming into focus as I cry in terror, and my parents, following the methods of some quack sleep Dr, leave me to cry it out, never knowing the horror that awaited their infant daughter! And paralysed by fear it comes right up to me and meeting my eye with it's horrible nightmare eyes- it somehow marked me. No matter where I go or what I do, spiders find me.I'm a freaking spider magnet.  My only reprieve is when my oldest daughter is nearby, because spiders seek her out too.   
So many heinous spider tales, so little time-  Not too long ago, I was zipping along a highway when one crawled out of my steering column and almost sent me off the road.Another time i watched one crawl across a classroom, up and down  desks as it made it's way through all the students and made a bee-line right for me. Or a spider-line I guess?
I enter a room and automatically scan for spiders . One nightmare rental we had, I had to kill spiders in the tub every morning.There was always a spider or two lurking around our computer desk, or up by the ceiling. So gross.  Then the most marvelous invention came along- THE SWIFFER!
That original swiffer was awesome for killing yellow sac spiders that crouch where the ceiling and wall join- or for ones out of reach. So handy with that swiveling head, giving so many angles for attack. The old model was a stiffer version, but the modern one has a slightly padded end. This means you have to use a little more force than with the older version, (because those little buggers curl up and play dead) but it still allows spiders to be dealt with from a distance.In the middle of the night the other night my husband rolled over and there was a plump juicy one the size of a twonie just crawling on the wall by his face. And that's why that is his side of the bed ;)
I've considered changing my name to spiderella. Might as well, it's like a fairy story/nightmare the way that they find me.
Maybe you are sitting there all smug, thinking how lame I am for being afraid of spiders.Or I'm horrible for killing them. Yeah. Whatever. Have you ever seen how many spiders hatch at one time? I have. 

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