Spiderella

One night when I was a teen and  I was doing homework, while talking on the phone to my friend, there was an audible thunk and a hideous black spider dropped off the roof right into the middle of my textbook. It was so big that my friend heard it through the crackly 1980's phone technology.
I've always had a love hate relationship with spiders. I hate them, and they cleary love me, because they find me no matter what.  I don't know when it started-

I imagine it went something like this.

Me; innocent and helpless in my crib, too young to turn over, let alone escape.

Enter 1 spider. 8 terrifying legs of sheer terror. 6 eyes staring as it inches closer... coming into focus as I cry in terror, and my parents, following the methods of some quack sleep Dr, leave me to cry it out, never knowing the horror that awaited their infant daughter! And paralysed by fear it comes right up to me and meeting my eye with it's horrible nightmare eyes- it somehow marked me. No matter where I go or what I do, spiders find me.I'm a freaking spider magnet.  My only reprieve is when my oldest daughter is nearby, because spiders seek her out too.   

So many heinous spider tales, so little time-  Not too long ago, I was zipping along a highway when one crawled out of my steering column and almost sent me off the road.Another time i watched one crawl across a classroom, up and down  desks as it made it's way through all the students and made a bee-line right for me. Or a spider-line I guess?

I enter a room and automatically scan for spiders . One nightmare rental we had, I had to kill spiders in the tub every morning.There was always a spider or two lurking around our computer desk, or up by the ceiling. So gross.  Then the most marvelous invention came along- THE SWIFFER!
That original swiffer was awesome for killing yellow sac spiders that crouch where the ceiling and wall join- or for ones out of reach. So handy with that swiveling head, giving so many angles for attack. The old model was a stiffer version, but the modern one has a slightly padded end. This means you have to use a little more force than with the older version, (because those little buggers curl up and play dead) but it still allows spiders to be dealt with from a distance.In the middle of the night the other night my husband rolled over and there was a plump juicy one the size of a twonie just crawling on the wall by his face. And that's why that is his side of the bed ;)
I've considered changing my name to spiderella. Might as well, it's like a fairy story/nightmare the way that they find me.

Maybe you are sitting there all smug, thinking how lame I am for being afraid of spiders.Or I'm horrible for killing them. Yeah. Whatever. Have you ever seen how many spiders hatch at one time? I have. 

Time's a cheetah

I was thinking earlier about how the memory of bringing my almost 17 year old home from the hospital is crystal clear. It really feels like it was yesterday, his floppy little baby head, the brilliant July sunshine-How we worried the car seat wasn't in right, the overwhelming love we had for this tiny person. In my heart, my memories this moment just happened. The same for each of my children's births, or serious illnesses, and so many moments in time that feel like they just happened. 

People always say that time just slips by somehow. I swear I was just 16 yesterday. Ok, maybe not 16, but more like 21.  Time doesn't slip by- . It runs. It bolts away from you like a starved cheetah after a juicy gazelle.   Hug those kids, cause next thing you know, you're hugging them at their grad, then hugging them as they move away,then their wedding,  or one day maybe hugging your grandkids, then if you are lucky, they are hugging you at the end of your days-

hell ya I'm cheerful today.

CST-Connecticut Standard Time

I'm learning to blog from my cell phone, which essentially means I wrote a blog post, hit publish and it never was seen from again.   Last night I got an email about a sale ending at midnight CST. And as I was thinking about what time that actually is for me, n view of yesterday's tragedy at Sandy Hook elementary, it popped into my head that CST could stand for Connecticut standard time. The frozen in time moments as the tragedy unfolded in their community. The agonizing drag of time while parent's waited to learn the fate of their children and the school staff. And the painfully slow crawling forward of minutes as today as they have to adjust to life without their loved ones.
Why did the murderer do this? Who can say why. His mother worked at Sandy Hook, so maybe he was jealous of the time his mom devoted to her students there? His attack was clearly premeditated. He killed his mother then took her car to the school, and entered before the 9:30 am locking of the doors. This was not an accident. I can't fathom the fear of the children and staff as they grasped what was happening, the feelings of the families and the community as they come to grips with this horror.  I hugged my kids a little tighter last night. I heard people commenting that gun control could have prevented this, or they are glad to be in a community/country/whatever where they feel safe.Without the guns he would have just found some other way to cause this level of horror, it wasn't spur or the moment. It was premeditated.  
It was a tragedy- plain and simple, and the people of Newtown felt safe 25 hours ago. I guarantee you that.  
My heart goes out to the people involved in this tragedy.

All I want for Christmas...

So my husband asked me what I would like for Christmas this year. I haven't given him a list yet, because in reality, my list would read something like this-and I know it's not what he's looking for.

1. 5 effing minutes to myself.  

Seriously, the list could stop there. But it won't.

2. My boobs back. 

Someone slapped some saggy 40 year old milk bags on my front and took off with mine while I was sleeping. Not sure when, since I haven't slept more than 2 hours in about 6 years. 

3. No belly fat. (hey if someone can steal my boobs in the night, why can't they make my fat disappear?)

4. Just 1 dinner where I don't have to help another person eat. Or go to the bathroom, or blow their nose or get ketchup, or  anything other than eating.

5. A turn in the bathroom where I'm actually alone. The.entire.time.

6. Shopping for a few hours without kids. 'Cause I can't even make a list of things I'd like because I don't even know what's out there.

7. 5 more minutes to myself. Because I'd like some minutes in the bank for future use.

Spy Party

Spy party for a 6 year old

I always want to host a fun party for my kids.  I used to have a bit more room in my budget to work with when my older two kids were little, so they had pretty fun parties, magic when Harry Potter came out, complete with Quidditch, potion making, homemade "cloaks", chocolate frogs and the works. (and that was back before you could just go buy harry potter candies. I had to make that stuff myself).  We've done bouncy castles,spa party,gymnastics, nature centre, survivor , all complete with loot bags that went with the theme, and games/competitions, etc.
But I've been feeling more burn out the last few years- my daughter so far, has wanted and had sort of lackluster princess and the pea party (3 year olds who arrived as beggars, and left as princesses complete with the "pea" under the mattress test), last year was a ballerina party, they all left with homemade tutus.   This year I wanted her party to be as fun as she is- She asked for a spy party... 
So here is what we did, because with back to school it's always a tight budget time of year-

For the loot bags, I bought 4 packs of 2 buttons that could be decorated-(target when I was cross border shopping, teacher's back to school section) and printed out their secret agent code names on them.    We got 3 packs of mini notebooks from the dollar store,they were tiny hardcovers that looked spy-like. I printed out dossier files on each of the kids, photo, code name, stats, etc and glued it into the first several pages of the books so they'd have files on each of their co-spies. I also jumbled up their names and made a name scramble for them to sort out, and glued it in after the agent files so they could figure it out easily since they're not all solid readers yet.

I grabbed tiny telescopes a the dollar store 3 in a pack for $1. Magnifying glasses from the dollar store (lucked out there, they were decent ones). We got mini periscope/spy scopes at a local toy store, they were 1.25 each, but work pretty well so it was worth it. We also included mini flip notebooks, a pen, disguise glasses with fake nose/mustache on them, fake beads for dressing up, I printed out some free online spy word search printables,  and then they had loot bag candies from the pinata as well.

It was supposed to be an outdoor party. We were going to do water balloon toss (the balloons look like bombs). Water balloon passing until the balloon popped, was the plan. Obstacle course, face painting for disguise training, and then follow clues to locate the pinata and smash it up.
On the driest summer I can remember... it began to pour rain at midnight the night before party. We had to change the games pretty quickly.
We ended up doing relay races with the bombs and claw  gripper hands, one girl would run with the balloon bomb and pass it to another girl who would have to run back using her claw hand and drop it into a basket. They enjoyed that one a lot. We then modified it and they had to line up in two teams and run with the balloon between their knees and drop it into the basket. Whichever team got their bombs over the fastest, won. 
They sat in a circle after that and we played bomb passing. An essential skill for agents. When the music stopped the one with the bomb was "blown up" and out. 
For round two we added a balloon, and round three, another. 3 balloons, 8 kids, it was loud and crazy, they had trouble hearing the music stopping and starting over their laughter-
We also played what time is it Mr spy, where they had to creep up and steal bombs from the head spy and get back to the starting line, and statue freeze where one person counted then they all froze in a position and couldn't move while the person who was "it " was looking at them. 
 They liked that one too, but more space to play (vs my tiny living room)would have been good.  We also blindfolded them and they had to put the secret documents into the briefcase (pin the tail on the donkey basically). 
For our pinata, since outdoors was still not an option, I used spy decoder markers to write clues to where I hid the pinata, like "it's not in a room with a fridge", and then I folded them up and inserted them into bomb balloons and blew them up. (one written clue per kid).  We also took a photo of the closet where we hid the pinata, and cut it into a simple puzzle and did the same thing, put it inside bomb-balloons and blew them up. 
Then the kids were all given one of each. first the decoder clue ones. They had to use the special pens to reveal their message. Luckily from the clues alone, none of them knew the location. They "detonated" their other bombs and worked together as a team, taping together puzzle pieces and then they went off in search of the door they revealed. 
We couldn't let them swing a bat in here, so they got to tear at the pinata with their hands, for 5 seconds each. less time might have been better, because with 8 of them, the last kid almost didn't get a turn. 
The candy bags popped out and there was much rejoicing!
Then we did presents and had some cake. It was da bomb! Literally. It was shaped as much like a bomb as I could. My daughter had wanted fondant spies creeping up the sides, so I did one climbing the side to put out the "fuse", one hanging on the number 6, one running from a bomb ...some spy foot prints and a magnifying glass, the word "kaboom" on it. And made it rainbow layered inside. 

The kids seemed to think it was cool, and my daughter was happy.   Overall they seemed to enjoy the party. There was a ton of laughter, and no crying, so I'm going to say it was a success, and it really didn't cost that much. I think I spent under 60$ including food.

We printed little agency thank you notes (who even knew there was an agent font in word?) and stapled them to their bags.

blog-a-day

There are so many things I could blog about, but one topic that drives me nuts, and unfortunately drives up my blood pressure, is people who pretend to be something they are not.
The absolute fake facade irritates me. As an example, I know one person who professes to be enlightened and embracing a gentle loving lifestyle, including blogging about it, and making a job out of it. And yet she is brutally vicious and mean, making up lies about people to keep them apart and to place her in the advantage position. I don't really understand how you can be beautiful on the surface and so dark and unpleasant and selfish on the inside.  She is not the only person I know like that, but in this case, this person attempted to wreck my life. I'm not pretty. She is.  I'm not fancy because I give every penny i get and put it toward caring for my children. She has 300 dollar hair cuts and looks gorgeous. It's easy in our society to choose the pretty package over the dumpy frump when it comes times to decide who to believe. It completely saddens me that   so many people in our society are so naive and willing to just take things at face value.  
And then it saddens me that people need to guard themselves against such abusers of trust and honesty. Why can't people just be honest?   Or truthful? it would be a lot easier if everyone looked the way they acted wouldn't it?

Friday-Monday blues

Some days it feels like every day is a long bad monday for me.   When something in the house is off, and by something , I mean my spouse, everything else is harder to deal with. I feel the disapproval and dislike rolling off him in waves and it makes me feel like crap frankly. Right now, he is cranky because he imagines "I" spent all "his" money. For mother's day he gave me two nights in a hotel, kid free. That didn't happen. I ended up going one night, with our oldest daughter and doing american grocery shopping, etc instead.    Never mind that the trip was his idea, and the stuff I got was for him and the kids, and the groceries. Yes, I spent money on me, but he told me to buy new shoes. I spent almost 2x as much on him, on the things he wanted, but he has the nerve to say "what did you do with all my money!" Since then he's been sulky and cold. I'm not really interested in putting up with that.  I think I've reached an age in my life where I don't need to put up with sulky immature behaviour. Haven't I?
It alarms me that the second there is tension in our marriage (which is all the time lately it seems like), but the second it's there I just feel like leaving. I really don't feel like putting up with it anymore.   I hate when he's like a grumpy raincloud hovering in the house and raining on all activities. It makes our lives so much harder and I start to ask myself if I shouldn't leave. Should I leave? Maybe. Do I have a way to do it without causing him a ton of financial difficulty? No, I don't. Which doesn't seem fair to me.  I tell myself, just a few more years and then I will go. After the youngest is in school. But it seems so far away when the days are clicking by and I feel like a worthless leech with no value. Don't get me wrong, that is all he said, then he stomped away without waiting for a response,and when I attempted to say something, he just said,  Drop it, and sulked off to bed.
But I've gotten so low right now that to be honest it would be easier to just lay in bed and not bother with life. The most immature thing of all, is that usually when he leaves for work, it's "love you have a good day." Last two days, nothing, just have a good day.  Oh yes really mature. Withdrawing love for money. The stupidest thing is, the money is mostly just in another account, but he didn't listen long enough for me to tell him that.
Being married is hard.