All I want for Christmas...

So my husband asked me what I would like for Christmas this year. I haven't given him a list yet, because in reality, my list would read something like this-and I know it's not what he's looking for.

1. 5 effing minutes to myself.  

Seriously, the list could stop there. But it won't.

2. My boobs back. 

Someone slapped some saggy 40 year old milk bags on my front and took off with mine while I was sleeping. Not sure when, since I haven't slept more than 2 hours in about 6 years. 

3. No belly fat. (hey if someone can steal my boobs in the night, why can't they make my fat disappear?)

4. Just 1 dinner where I don't have to help another person eat. Or go to the bathroom, or blow their nose or get ketchup, or  anything other than eating.

5. A turn in the bathroom where I'm actually alone. The.entire.time.

6. Shopping for a few hours without kids. 'Cause I can't even make a list of things I'd like because I don't even know what's out there.

7. 5 more minutes to myself. Because I'd like some minutes in the bank for future use.

One month till Christmas, not a cent in the house....

'twas the month before Christmas,
and all through the house,
no decorations were showing,
not one gingerbread house
The grass was still green, the lawn tended with care,
displaying bright christmas lights strewn here and there
some presents were hidden in the closet upstairs
bills jammed the mailbox, arriving in pairs
The children were dreaming,
their lists almost done
itunes for the teens,
vtech for the young one
Dad checked his wallet
and saw they were broke,
pulled out his visa
charged the gifts
with a choke
in his voice and shake of his head
he wondered if christmas dinner
would be buttered bread

A month until christmas
so much to be done
we've spent every dollar,
each little one
on family and friends
and their lovely gifts
hoping to light up their faces
with smiles you can't miss

Soon
we'll put up our tree to the happy sound,
 of  laughter, smiles
and early christmas songs
and hope for a while
 the kids get along.
Then comes Christmas Eve
when they're snug in their beds
and visions of itunes cards
swirl in their heads
Exhausted and tired,
we'll wrap every present,
get to  sleep for three hours,
and feel no resentment
Because Christmas will be here,
it's a season for cheer!
(until january comes
and all the bills appear)